Talking about mental health
According to Mind, 1 in 4 people each year in England will experience a mental health problem of some kind. This is an alarmingly high statistic, especially considering how universally we still treat topics of mental health in conversation as taboo.
Indeed, while attitudes towards mental health problems have significantly improved over the past couple of decades, there is still much work to be done in the way we address the topic in everyday life and consider how those around us might be affected. Many of us are hesitant to check in on others due to a fear of saying the wrong thing or prying into someone’s personal life. While these concerns are entirely valid, they shouldn’t stop us from having these all-important conversations; avoiding the subject entirely can lead to people feeling silenced or stigmatised, even if that’s not what was intended.
Unlike physical health challenges, mental health challenges often remain unseen. Because of this, it’s important that we feel comfortable having conversations about them.
You do not need to be an expert to engage in conversations about mental health and there is no right way to talk about it, but as more people open up and share their experiences, the language we use is beginning to change, which in turn is positively impacting societal attitudes surrounding mental health.
There are, however, certain words and phrases that are more respectful and widely accepted than others.
Things to avoid:
Describing a person as a diagnosis, e.g., ‘a manic-depressive’ or ‘a self-harmer’. It is important to see the person, rather than the symptom or illness, particularly as clinical terms can be associated with stigma. Using person-first language, like saying ‘someone with depression’, or ‘someone who self-harms’, is more respectful. The same goes for the term ‘mentally ill’; it’s better to say ‘someone with mental illness’ or ‘someone who experiences mental health problems’.
Using mental health terms as adjectives to describe a person’s behaviour, e.g., ‘a bit OCD’ or ‘crazy’. There are more compassionate ways to describe people or the ways they’re behaving. If you’re concerned that someone is behaving unusually, ask them how they’re doing in a sensitive way. If you see people making stigmatising comments or showing bias, call them out as you would if they were making other discriminatory comments.
Now that you are aware of the kind of language to avoid, having a plan in place ahead of talking to someone about mental health can help to make the process less overwhelming for both parties.
Things to consider:
Reassurance - For some individuals, starting a conversation about their mental health may be very difficult, so it is important to recognise that they have taken a positive step by talking about their experience.
Safe space - Find a safe, informal space where you know you can have a conversation without being distracted. This could be over a lunch break, during a walk or at a café depending on where the other person feels comfortable.
Side by side - Some people find it easier to talk side by side rather than face to face, so you could try having a conversation whilst walking or cooking.
Body language - Adopt open body language; this will make you appear approachable and will help put the person at ease.
Active listening - Give them your full attention. Turn your phone off and make sure you won’t be interrupted.
Silences are good - Even though we can be tempted to fill silence, it’s in these moments that the person may express thoughts and feelings they otherwise may not.
Eye contact - Try to make eye contact unless the other person is uncomfortable with it. Be relaxed; it helps you to come across as genuine and engaged with what they’re saying.
Questions - Ask open-ended questions to clarify and show you’re listening but avoid asking too many. Remember not everyone will want to discuss things in detail.
Suggestions - Ask how you can help or make suggestions, rather than telling them what to do next.
Remain non-judgmental - It’s important that we accept the person as they are, are empathic, and that we respect cultural differences.
Be patient - Some people might not be ready to talk about what they’re going through just yet.
Look after yourself, too - Choosing to talk can make a real difference to someone’s life but it can also bring up difficult things that you may not have spoken about before. Be conscious of how the conversation impacts your mental state as well.
Signposting
Whilst it is human to want to offer support yourself, it is important to recognise your limitations. The following services can provide more tailored, professional help if and when it is needed: